In1979, beef 5 has 6 become the largest meat 7 consumption8 ,9 whhich 10 occupys 11 about 12 22o grams per person per week , 13 appromately 150 14 gramps in lamb15 , 140 16 gramps 17 in chicken and 60 18 gramps 19 in fish.
A 20 dramatical 21 decline in beef consumption can be seen22 ,23 which falling 24 swifyly from 220 25 gramps to 100 26 gramps , between 1979 and 2004. 27 By contrast28 the consumption29 for chicken shows an 30 oppsite trend31 . 32 it 33 experiences a 34 significant increase35 , rising from 140 36 gramps in 1974 to 250 37 gramps in 2004.
38 Similarly, the consumption 39 for lamb and beef shares a similar40 flucutuation. 41 and 42 the consumption 43 for lamb falls sharply form 150 44 gramps in 1979 to 60 gramps in 2004. Surprisely, the consumption 45 for fish 46 remains 47 costant at 50 48 gramps over the period of 25 years form 1974.
49 In conclusion , as is shown in the curve line, chicken has become one of the most vital meat in our table50 , which has 51 substitued52 other 53 meats such as beef54 , lamb and fish. 4
满分9分
James分数说明
实际考试的写作分数是大作文和小作文取平均后换算为9分,为了增强考试的仿真度,此处直接依据9分为满分来给出单个写作任务的分数。备注:由于评分主观性客观存在,此处分数仅供参考。
分项说明
Task response
• responds to the task only in a minimal way or the answer is tangential; the format may be inappropriate
• presents a position but this is unclear
• presents some main ideas but these are difficult to identify and may be repetitive, irrelevant or not well supported
Coherence and cohesion
• presents information and ideas but these are not arranged coherently and there is no clear progression in the response
• uses some basic cohesive devices but these may be inaccurate or repetitive
• may not write in paragraphs or their use may be confusing
Lexical resource
• uses only basic vocabulary which may be used repetitively or which may be inappropriate for the task
• has limited control of word formation and/or spelling; errors may cause strain for the reader
Grammatical range and accuracy
• uses only a very limited range of structures with only rare use of subordinate clauses
• some structures are accurate but errors predominate, and punctuation is often faulty
总评:
Hello, welcome to SmartPigai.
Here is a general feedback of your essay.
1. You have made a good analysis of the data given in the line graph. Your summary of the data covers all aspects of the graph. It is commendable that you started with making a comparison of the most distinct features of the graph. Such a summary requires good descriptive and comparative language. Thus, more of this is needed.
2. You made many single word errors that have made the essay look ugly. These include, among others, spellings, punctuations and poor use of prepositions.The wrong spelling of grams as "gramps" is consistent in your essay and actually shows that you did not proofread the essay after writing it. Otherwise, this mistake should not have happened. It is inexcusable.
3. Mind the word forms in your writing, for example, "consumption" in the second paragraph should be "consumed" because of the phrasing of the sentence. Avoid such grammar mistakes so as to write a better summary.
Despite being a sum of data given, it also requires good vocabulary and descriptive language.
Welcome to see you again at SmartPigai:)