In1979, beef 5has 6become the largest meat 7consumption8 ,9whhich 10occupys 11about 1222o grams per person per week , 13appromately 150 14gramps in lamb15 , 140 16gramps 17in chicken and 60 18gramps 19in fish.
A 20dramatical 21decline in beef consumption can be seen22 ,23which falling 24swifyly from 220 25gramps to 100 26gramps , between 1979 and 2004. 27By contrast28 the consumption29 for chicken shows an 30oppsite trend31 . 32it 33experiences a 34significant increase35 , rising from 140 36gramps in 1974 to 250 37gramps in 2004.
38 Similarly, the consumption 39for lamb and beef shares a similar40 flucutuation. 41and 42the consumption 43for lamb falls sharply form 150 44gramps in 1979 to 60 gramps in 2004. Surprisely, the consumption 45for fish 46remains 47costant at 50 48gramps over the period of 25 years form 1974.
49In conclusion , as is shown in the curve line, chicken has become one of the most vital meat in our table50 , which has 51substitued52 other 53meats such as beef54 , lamb and fish. 4
• responds to the task only in a minimal way or the answer is tangential; the format may be inappropriate
• presents a position but this is unclear
• presents some main ideas but these are difficult to identify and may be repetitive, irrelevant or not well supported
Coherence and cohesion
• presents information and ideas but these are not arranged coherently and there is no clear progression in the response
• uses some basic cohesive devices but these may be inaccurate or repetitive
• may not write in paragraphs or their use may be confusing
• uses only basic vocabulary which may be used repetitively or which may be inappropriate for the task
• has limited control of word formation and/or spelling; errors may cause strain for the reader
Grammatical range and accuracy
• uses only a very limited range of structures with only rare use of subordinate clauses
• some structures are accurate but errors predominate, and punctuation is often faulty
Hello, welcome to SmartPigai.
Here is a general feedback of your essay.
1. You have made a good analysis of the data given in the line graph. Your summary of the data covers all aspects of the graph. It is commendable that you started with making a comparison of the most distinct features of the graph. Such a summary requires good descriptive and comparative language. Thus, more of this is needed.
2. You made many single word errors that have made the essay look ugly. These include, among others, spellings, punctuations and poor use of prepositions.The wrong spelling of grams as "gramps" is consistent in your essay and actually shows that you did not proofread the essay after writing it. Otherwise, this mistake should not have happened. It is inexcusable.
3. Mind the word forms in your writing, for example, "consumption" in the second paragraph should be "consumed" because of the phrasing of the sentence. Avoid such grammar mistakes so as to write a better summary.
Despite being a sum of data given, it also requires good vocabulary and descriptive language.
Welcome to see you again at SmartPigai:)