In addressing the specific task directions, a 4 response presents a competent examination of the argument and conveys meaning with acceptable clarity.
A typical response in this category
• identifies and examines aspects of the argument relevant to the assigned task, but may also discuss some extraneous points
• develops and organizes ideas satisfactorily, but may not connect them with transitions
• supports its main points adequately, but may be uneven in its support
• demonstrates sufficient control of language to convey ideas with reasonable clarity
• generally demonstrates control of the conventions of standard written English, but may have some errors
Hello=) Welcome to SmartPigai!
You have developed a good response to the topic. Your introduction has been well established. However, it is important that you indicate whether you agree or disagree because the topic is specific about this. That means, your thesis statement needs to show the side you have taken. Actually this means your essay is supposed to be based on one of the two ideas given in the thesis. "Though great people contribute much to the development of nations and can be a sure way to judge it according to their achievements, it is basically the welfare of a nation's people that best describes how great it is." If you have an idea different from what is required, it is worth bringing it up towards the end of the essay or in the conclusion. This helps avoid getting off topic.
According to your second paragraph, it shows that you are in for the second school of thought. It is commendable that you developed good topic sentences in the main body paragraphs. These are followed by good explanations and examples. This is the required structure of paragraphs of such a topic.
The conclusion has been well developed. It now shows your stand contrary to what the thesis requires you to do. This is fine.
You need to address the grammar errors in the essay so as to have a better essay.
-- Never should you use "and" to start a sentence in a formal essay.
-- Try to make a review of the use of the articles.
-- Avoid formation errors like "before the modern nation appears" because they make the understanding of ideas difficult.
There are numerous errors. Read the comments for corrections.
To write better than this, though you actually have some good sentence structures, like the ones used in the introduction, more diversified structures will be helpful as well.
A thesis of this caliber requires a horde of vocabulary to make it more advanced.
Hope to see you again at SmartPigai!
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