批改报告展示
4.5
分
1 The curve line shows the details regarding the consumption of fish and other kinds of meat per person per week in a European country during 25 years since 1979. Over the span of 25 years. the consumption for chicken2 , beef3 , and fish shows a different trend4.
In1979, beef 5has 6become the largest meat 7consumption8 ,9whhich 10occupys 11about 1222o grams per person per week , 13appromately 150 14gramps in lamb15 , 140 16gramps 17in chicken and 60 18gramps 19in fish.
A 20dramatical 21decline in beef consumption can be seen22 ,23which falling 24swifyly from 220 25gramps to 100 26gramps , between 1979 and 2004. 27By contrast28 the consumption29 for chicken shows an 30oppsite trend31 . 32it 33experiences a 34significant increase35 , rising from 140 36gramps in 1974 to 250 37gramps in 2004.
38 Similarly, the consumption 39for lamb and beef shares a similar40 flucutuation. 41and 42the consumption 43for lamb falls sharply form 150 44gramps in 1979 to 60 gramps in 2004. Surprisely, the consumption 45for fish 46remains 47costant at 50 48gramps over the period of 25 years form 1974.
49In conclusion , as is shown in the curve line, chicken has become one of the most vital meat in our table50 , which has 51substitued52 other 53meats such as beef54 , lamb and fish. 4.5
James
In1979, beef 5has 6become the largest meat 7consumption8 ,9whhich 10occupys 11about 1222o grams per person per week , 13appromately 150 14gramps in lamb15 , 140 16gramps 17in chicken and 60 18gramps 19in fish.
A 20dramatical 21decline in beef consumption can be seen22 ,23which falling 24swifyly from 220 25gramps to 100 26gramps , between 1979 and 2004. 27By contrast28 the consumption29 for chicken shows an 30oppsite trend31 . 32it 33experiences a 34significant increase35 , rising from 140 36gramps in 1974 to 250 37gramps in 2004.
38 Similarly, the consumption 39for lamb and beef shares a similar40 flucutuation. 41and 42the consumption 43for lamb falls sharply form 150 44gramps in 1979 to 60 gramps in 2004. Surprisely, the consumption 45for fish 46remains 47costant at 50 48gramps over the period of 25 years form 1974.
49In conclusion , as is shown in the curve line, chicken has become one of the most vital meat in our table50 , which has 51substitued52 other 53meats such as beef54 , lamb and fish. 4.5
满分9分
James
分数说明
实际考试的写作分数是大作文和小作文取平均后换算为9分，为了增强考试的仿真度，此处直接依据9分为满分来给出单个写作任务的分数。备注：由于评分主观性客观存在，此处分数仅供参考。
分项说明
Task response
• addresses the task only partially; the format may be inappropriate in places
• expresses a position but the development is not always clear and there may be no conclusions drawn
• presents some main ideas but these are limited and not sufficiently developed; there may be irrelevant detail
Coherence and cohesion
• presents information with some organisation but there may be a lack of overall progression
• makes inadequate, inaccurate or overuse of cohesive devices
• may be repetitive because of lack of referencing and substitution
• may not write in paragraphs, or paragraphing may be inadequate
Lexical resource
• uses a limited range of vocabulary, but this is minimally adequate for the task
• may make noticeable errors in spelling and/or word formation that may cause some difficulty for the reader
Grammatical range and accuracy
• uses only a limited range of structures
• attempts complex sentences but these tend to be less accurate than simple sentences
• may make frequent grammatical errors and punctuation may be faulty; errors can cause some difficulty for the reader
总评
Hello, welcome to SmartPigai.
Here is a general feedback of your essay.
1. You have made a good analysis of the data given in the line graph. Your summary of the data covers all aspects of the graph. It is commendable that you started with making a comparison of the most distinct features of the graph. Such a summary requires good descriptive and comparative language. Thus, more of this is needed.
2. You made many single word errors that have made the essay look ugly. These include, among others, spellings, punctuations and poor use of prepositions.The wrong spelling of grams as "gramps" is consistent in your essay and actually shows that you did not proofread the essay after writing it. Otherwise, this mistake should not have happened. It is inexcusable.
3. Mind the word forms in your writing, for example, "consumption" in the second paragraph should be "consumed" because of the phrasing of the sentence. Avoid such grammar mistakes so as to write a better summary.
Despite being a sum of data given, it also requires good vocabulary and descriptive language.
Welcome to see you again at SmartPigai:)
11
111
使用有问题？请联系我们的在线专家
工作时间：09:00AM - 08:00PM
专家在线