托福写作独立任务满分评分标准解读

Anessay at this level largely accomplishes all of the following:
1. Effectively addresses the topicand task
2. Is well organizedand well developed,using clearly appropriate explanations,exemplifications, and/or details
3. Displays unity, progression, andcoherence
4. Displays consistent facility in the use of language, demonstrating syntacticvariety, appropriateword choice, and idiomaticity, though it may have minor lexical or grammatical errors.

标准解读：

要点 1: addresses the topic
在托福写作中，考生所表达的观点要和题目要求相关、一致。另外，考生所提供的例证也要切题，只有这样的例子才有说服力。

要点 2: well organized & well developed
托福满分作文的行文组织要系统，有逻辑性。考生在提出论点之后，必须寻找相关的例证来支持和充实自己的论点。 需要强调的是，在托福考试中考生虽然可以发散地进行说理和寻找例证，但若是将自己所举的例证进行一定加工,按照由主到次、让步转折等顺序进行排列，则能更好显示出各个例证之间的逻辑关系，让举例或是说理论证的过程更有层次性。这样的文章才称得上well-organizedand well-developed.

要点 3: explanations,exemplifications anddetails
在托福写作中，考生提出观点之后必须要发散式地进行举例或是说理论证。具体包括解释原因，举例说明以及提供其它的细节信息。

要点 4: unity,progression, and coherence
托福满分作文通篇要做到:
1. 论点集中(unity)--所有的论据都指向论点；
2. 逻辑通畅(progressionand coherence)--不同段落之间要连接紧密、衔接过渡自然并层层推进。
想要做到以上几点，考生需要合理地谋篇布局、进行最优化的段落分配并恰当地使用逻辑连接词。

要点 5: variety
用词用句的多样性和变化性能有效地体现语言的丰富性以及使用技巧。

要点 6: appropriate word choice andidiomaticity
托福写作要求考生根据语境选择“恰当的用词”。在托福写作中，考生不需要哗众取宠的用“大词、难词”来显示词汇量。 真正的高手是用简单但精确的词语来阐述深刻的道理。

要点 7: minor errors
托福作文允许有错误存在。most一词表明一篇满分文章需要避免绝大部分的语法、用词错误。 同时这也表明个别的语法错误、用词不当以及诸如拼写，标点符号和大小写等错误不影响一篇文章得满分。对于托福写作来说，更重要的是文章的要点明确、逻辑通畅，语言的整体高水平。

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TPO第2套独立写作真实批改报告

订单编号：sp201**0352210

题型：托福独立写作

题目：TPO第2套

原文字数：374

批改时间：2013年02月26日 15：03

A 1people who want to 2hav e3a good 4friendmust 5have some definite goals in mind. For the peoplewho wants have a good interpersonal relationship quickly and make othersbelieve him firsthand, there is often method to telling the truth.6There may be 7one 8disadvantage 9of telling thetruth10However, I believe that there are 11for more advantages.12In summary, Ithink that always telling the truth is the most important 13consideration in any relationship between people.

First of all, one minor 14disadvantages of telling the truth 15inclues that without regard to felling of others and irrespective of lickthat people whether of not. For 16instance, my grandmother 17is smoker; she has been smoking for 30 years.18One day, I learn the knowledge that smoking short the life, 19then I telling the truth to my grandmother, she as heard the truth sooncried. 20Apparently, I should 21not tell the truth 22to her, sotelling the truth should consider the situation of others. Even thoughthere 23maybe 24one disadvantages 25of telling thetruth, the advantages far 26more outweighthem. By telling the truth, 27the people havean excellent opportunity to improve2829his 30interpersonal relationship. For example, my 31bother always 32telling thetruth33, 34all of hisclassmates consider 35that he is ahonest, 36therefore , he is the most popular student in 37the class, 38hisinterpersonal is excellent.

Another 39advantage of telling the truth is 40that the people can be believed, 41once people know that 42he is an honest 43man and then people will redouble his trust on him. Trust is veryimportance, since if people trust you, then he will tell you the truth, such asyour drawback. The people who learn the drawback of oneself by other people ismore likely to 44success.

Although I agree that there 45maybe 46onedisadvantage 47of telling thetruth, I feel that48advantages aremore 49obvious. People can have a good interpersonalrelationship. In addition, people will find 50himself in an 51atmosphere whichothers trust 52you more. In my opinion, these are the twoimportant goals for him, and telling the truth is the best way to achieve 53then54, 55thus, I 56suppose thatalways telling the truth is the most important 57consideration in any relationship between people.

错误归类分析：

选词错误：

1: 修改建议：person.

13: 修改建议：aspect.

16: 修改建议：example.

49: 修改建议：prominent/significant.

51: 修改建议：position.

56: 修改建议：think.

57: 修改建议：aspect.

打字错误(TYP)：

2: 修改建议：have.

53: 修改建议：them.

冠词错误：

3: 修改建议：delete “a”.

37: 修改建议：his.

48: 修改建议：the.

单复数错误：

4: 修改建议：friends.

8: 修改建议：disadvantages.

46: 修改建议：disadvantages.

句子过长：

5: 修改建议：know of certain methods to attain them, such as(repetition of firstsentence meaning).

连词错误：

6: 修改建议：Although.

12: 修改建议：This is a concluding statement which does not belong in the middle of anintroduction.

20: 修改建议：In this case.

34: 修改建议：Therefore.

36: 修改建议：making him.

修饰词错误：

7: 修改建议：certain.

11: 修改建议：far.

26: 修改建议：delete.

介词错误：

9: 修改建议：when.

25: 修改建议：to.

28: 修改建议：on.

47: 修改建议：to.

多余文字：

10: 修改建议：delete “However”.

24: 修改建议：delete “one”.

38: 修改建议：delete “his interpersonal is excellent”.

单词重复过多：

14: 修改建议：setback.

39: 修改建议：benefit.

中式英语(CHI):

15: 修改建议：is that it can be deemed rude or received poorly by others.

19: 修改建议：my grandmother did not know this. I relayed this information to her whichmade her cry immediately upon hearing.

22: 修改建议：and should have considered the sensitivity of the situation more.

27: 修改建议：one possesses the

43: 修改建议：they will continue to think of that person as such.

句子过短：

17: 修改建议：has been a smoker for 30 years.

逻辑出错：

18: 修改建议：Although it is a widely known fact that smoking shortens one’s  lifespans,

35: 修改建议：him.

时态错误：

21: 修改建议：have not told.

32: 修改建议：tells.

单词合并错误：

23: 修改建议：may be.

45: 修改建议：may be.

代词错误：

29: 修改建议：his/her.

50: 修改建议：themselves.

52: 修改建议：them.

指代不清：

30: 修改建议：interpersonal relationship skills.

42: 修改建议：someone is.

拼写错误(SPL):

31: 修改建议：brother.

标点错误：

33: 修改建议：.

54: 修改建议：.

语态错误(VOI)：

40: 修改建议：earning the right to be trusted.

大小写错误：

41: 修改建议：Once.

55: 修改建议：Thus.

动词形式错误：

44: 修改建议：succeed.

得分3.2分（满分5分）

任务完成情况 Development andDetails

文章切题、阐述充分

Effectiveness in addressing the topic and task.

文章组织和结构 Organization& Structure

结构连贯清晰、阐述每篇文章观点及他们的关系

Clear, coherent structure, logical paragraphing and clear transitions in ideas.

论点扩展和细节运用 Development& Details

能用相关的例子，细节和原因支持观点。前后一致并循序渐进

Relevant examples, details, reasons to support the position, presented ina unified and progressive way.

语法 Grammar

能运用标准的书面英语，包括语法，词汇，拼写及标点

Command of the elements of Standard Written English, incl. grammar, wordusage, spelling, and punctuation.

整体评分 HolisticAssessment

内容切题，表达连贯流畅

Effectively addresses the topic and task cohesively and fluently in thepresentation of the text.

总评

1.It is important to keep spelling mistakes to a minimum. Please rememberhow to correctly spell words that are common. 2. Please stick to writing in the3rd person perspective. Avoiding writing in 2nd person unless for intendedeffect. Mixing perspectives causes confusion and lack of focus. 3. Avoidingstarting sentences using the same wording(i.e. A person who wants to...)insequence. 4. Please try and avoid using such wording as "First of all,Second,..."as these take away from a cohesive work rather than help. 5.Avoid repeating the same words in a paragraph. (i.e. disadvantages) unless itis for intended purposes. 6. Please try to connect short sentences into acohesive and meaningful one.(i.e. My grandmother is a smoker; she has beensmoking for 30 years.)

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