GRE写作Issue满分评分标准解读

In addressingthe specific task directions, a 6 response presents a cogent, well-articulatedexamination of the argument and conveys meaning skillfully.
A typical paper in this category exhibits the following characteristics:

1.articulates a clear and insightful position on the issue in accordance withthe assigned task
2.develops the position fully with compelling reasons and/or persuasiveexamples
3.sustains a well-focused, well-organized analysis, connecting ideas logically
4.conveys ideas fluently and precisely, using effective vocabulary and sentencevariety
5.demonstrates facility with the conventions of standard written English(i.e.,grammar, usage and mechanics), but may have minor errors。

标准解读

要点1：articulatesa clear and insightful position on the issue in accordance with the assignedtask

关键词：insightful，position，inaccordance with

1. insightful即DataMining(数据挖掘)。
GRE写作强调思辨，挖掘题目的核心概念十分必要。 例如GRE作文题库中有一道题目：事物的差异性重要还是相似性重要？ “insightful”的分析应当是通过similarity 和 difference的现象看到背后所体现的本质--矛盾(paradox)的思想。 具体来说就是要学会观察相似事物的差异性，以及差异事物的相似性，辩证地分析事物。 因此本题真正考查的是“看待事物的方法论”, 而非简单的选择“哪一个重要”。

2. position
在GRE issue写作里，position不等于attitude，即立场不等于态度。 这又是GRE作文中对于逻辑辩证点的考查。 很多高分GRE文章都是对一个事物的利弊进行具体问题的具体分析，而非进行倾向性的态度传递，这也符合事物的基本规律，即任何事物都具有两面性。 TOEFL独立写作非常强调态度的传达，但GRE作文更强调分析事物的方法论和论证过程。

3. in accordance with
指切题(on-topic)的论述：论点、论据，论证要和题目要求一致，这个评分点和上文中insightful的要求一脉相承。 许多GREissue题目的含义很难依赖字面意思来理解， 题目的“隐藏逻辑”和“隐藏含义”要求考生首先要准确地“审题”、思考题面背后的含义， 然后选择相关的论点和论据进行支撑。

要点2：developsthe position fully with compelling reasons and/or persuasive examples

关键词：reasons,persuasive

1. reasons=reasoning
GRE作文强调推理，并且推理的过程远重要于推理的结果。在GRE作文里，解释Why比给出What 更重要，因为考官是通过审视推理过程来判断考生的逻辑陈述能力。 因此建议考生在准备GRE作文时，应把重点放在分析推理上，而不是频频给出各类结论。

2. persuasive=relevant
在GRE作文里，考生给出的所有例证都要有说服力。要有说服力，首先要与文中的论证相关。无论例证是来自西方世界还是中国，相关的例子才是和论证匹配的内容。

要点3：sustainsa well-focused, well-organized analysis, connecting ideas logically

关键词：anaylysis,logically

1. analysis
GRE写作强调论述过程与分析过程，而非结论本身。

2. logically
“GRE写作的逻辑”包含形式逻辑和内容逻辑: 形式逻辑就是指文章起承转合的逻辑信号、逻辑连接词。它们连接不同的内容,使行文显得有层次。内容逻辑就是指文章含义推导过程的严密性，和我们后文即将解读的排序方式是高度相关的。

要点 4：conveys ideasfluently and precisely, using effective vocabulary and sentence variety

关键词：effective,variety

1. effective
有效的--所谓有效的词汇，是指根据语境所选择“恰当的用词”。 在GRE写作里考生不需要哗众取宠地用“大词、难词”来显示词汇量。 真正的高手能够用简单而精确的词语来阐述深刻的道理。

2. variety
用词用句的变化性能有效地体现行文语言的多样性。

要点 5：demonstratesfacility with the conventions of standard written English (i.e., grammar, usageand mechanics), but may have minor errors

关键词：standardwritten English, may have minor errors

1. standard written English
即使用标准的书面英语。英语口语体不合适用于GRE这类准学术型的分析性写作中。 因此考生应注意标准的书面英语的语法，用词和文法。

2. may have minor errors
GRE作文允许有错误的存在。 考官认为，一篇满分的文章可以有错误，尤其是个别的拼写错误、语法错误和用词不当。这不影响一篇文章得高分。只要这篇文章准确地提炼了要点、做到了精确的对应匹配、逻辑性强、语言水平高即可。

极智批改网用户Dj**ic

GRE Issue 11真实批改报告

订单编号：1311**514176

题型：GRE Issue

题目：GRE Issue 11

原文字数：482

批改时间：2013年08月15日 12：06

Thespeaker suggests that in comparison with people's own making, forces 1plays a more important role in determining their behavior.In fact, it overlooks the activation of human 2being,which is indispensable in 3the behaviordetermination, though forces, is also crucial.

Undoubtedly,force makes its unique impact in determining our behavior, based on a conceptthat forces, in my 4argument, refers to 5the environmental factors. A quick reflection on theeconomic development pattern of the insular nations, for instance Japan, Koreaand Netherland, reveals that 6sometime we are forcedto be submissive to 7the natural forces. As the insularcountries are short of continents, in order to 8keepthe economic development, the high-tech industries, such as production of 9television, 10stereo11, 1213camera, was their ideal model. So several famous 14brand such as Philips from Netherland, Cannon from Japan,and Samsung from Korea, all receive 15the consumers’ 16appraise all around the world. This example illustratesthat the forces of natural factors, 17does 18infect our behavior.

While few would hold the position that 19the forces, however difficult they are, can never stop 20the our imagination and creativity, 21which both are the most remarkable 22property of human beings. In the prior example, citizensfrom the insular nations are confined by the limited continents. The fact2324short of land spurredthem to take initiatives to fill the coastal land and build man-made islandsand extend the limited continent area. In the end, they broke the constraint offorces, and developed a creative solution to the continent barriers all bytheir own undying making.

People have the ability 25in26determining 27theyaction to change the world, however it does not mean that people can dowhatever they want. It is still necessary to harbor the respect to 28the natural law when human beings motivate their desire toregulate 29the 30circumstanceby their own making. 31A recent surveyreported that3233fulfillof coastal land had done permanent damage to the marine eco-system and sets newproblems on the development of modern cities. The land fill 34shrink the possible volume of marine animals and plants, 35which is said that the major cause of extinction ofseveral planktons. What was worse, the increase of coastal continents 36decreases the urban defense against the bad weather,because originally a blast of pouring rain 37caneasily flow into the oceans, currently, however, that convenience is curtailed.So it is more 38frequent reported in bothnewspapers and televisions that a cloudburst 39submergesthe underground car parking.

In summary, it is very likely that people willnever be able to reach the same conclusion on this controversial topic.Nevertheless, public awareness of the major concerns addressed in the aboveargument will certainly contribute to the understanding of this challengeproblem. It is safe to conclude that people’s behavior should be both under therestriction of forces and the inspiration of their own makings.

错误归类分析：

时态错误：

1：批改解释：Verbtense error. 修改建议：play

17：批改解释：Verbtense error. 修改建议：do

26：批改解释：Verbtense error. 修改建议：determine

34：批改解释：Verbtense error. 修改建议：shrunk

36：批改解释：Verbtense error. 修改建议：decreased

37：批改解释：Verbtense error. 修改建议：could

39：批改解释：Verbtense error. 修改建议：submerged

单复数错误：

2：批改解释：Usethe plural form. 修改建议：beings

9：批改解释：Usethe plural form. 修改建议：televisions

10：批改解释：Usethe plural form. 修改建议：stereos

13：批改解释：Usethe plural. 修改建议：cameras

14：批改解释：Usethe plural. 修改建议：brands

30：批改解释：Usethe plural. 修改建议：circumstances

冠词错误：

3：批改解释：Notneeded. 修改建议：Omit.

5：批改解释：Notneeded. 修改建议：Omit.

7：批改解释：Notneeded. 修改建议：Omit.

15：批改解释：Notneeded. 修改建议：Omit.

19: 批改解释：Notneeded. 修改建议：Omit.

20: 批改解释：Pooruse of article. 修改建议：Omit.

28：批改解释：Notneeded. 修改建议：Omit.

29: 批改解释：Notneeded. 修改建议：Omit.

32: 批改解释：Articlemissing. 修改建议：the

选词错误：

4: 批改解释：Poordiction. 修改建议：understanding

8：批改解释：Poordiction. 修改建议：sustain their

18：批改解释：Poordiction. 修改建议：affect

22：批改解释：Poordiction. 修改建议：aspects

构词不正确：

6：批改解释：Wordform. 修改建议：sometimes

16：批改解释：Wordform. 修改建议：appraisal

24：批改解释：Wordform. 修改建议：shortage

38：批改解释：Wordform error. 修改建议：frequently

标点错误：

11：批改解释：Notneeded. 修改建议：Omit.

连词错误：

12：批改解释：Conjunction.修改建议：and

格式错误：

21：批改解释：Formationerror. 修改建议：both of which

35：批改解释：Formationerror. 修改建议：because it is said to be

介词错误：

23：批改解释：Prepositionmissing. 修改建议：of

25：批改解释：Prepositionerror. 修改建议：to

代词错误：

27：批改解释：Poorpronoun. 修改建议：their

指代不清：

31：批改解释：Theis need to state the survey. 修改建议：Whocarried it out.

拼写错误：

33：批改解释：Wordform error. 修改建议：fulfillment

得分4.0分（满分6分）

任务完成情况 Task Response

识别对立的观点、并能够深度论述

Identify aspects of the argument and examine them perceptively.

文章组织和结构 Organization & Structure

论点组织符合逻辑、起承转合准确

Ideas are organized logically, and connected with clear transitions.

论点扩展和细节运用 Development and Details

论证有力并且能够适当使用细节来支持自己的推理，表达流畅准确

Compelling and detailed support for the reasoning, conveyed fluently andprecisely.

语法 Grammar

能运用标准的书面英语，包括语法，词汇，拼写及标点

Command of the elements of Standard Written English, including grammar,word usage, spelling, and punctuation.

整体评分 Holistic Assessment

准确理解对立的立场并加以分析和评价，表达清晰流畅

Effectively understand, analyze, and evaluate the argument, and clearlyconveyed the evaluation in a fluent manner.

总评

This response is well developed savefor the grammar errors that have affected the flow of the ideas. Theintroduction is well developed. However, note that the topic requires you toshow the extent to which you either agree or disagree. Thus, you ought to showthis in the thesis statement at the end of the introduction. “I do thus takethat such forces beyond people’s making gravely determines their behavior oftentimes.” Note that despite the topic being phrased like an argument, you shouldnot address it as “The speaker”. This is just a stated argument not particularto anyone. In the main body, the views and explanations that have been offeredare logically well structured. The examples you have given are suiting andrelevant. There is good development of topic sentences at the beginning of themain body paragraphs. They do convey the views to be discussed in theparagraphs. The conclusion is well founded too.

You should try to be coherent and use some goodvocabulary as these are part of the examinable aspects. Try to avoid grammarerrors so as to maintain your coherence. It is important that you avoid vagueand formation errors like “which is said that” and “A recent survey reported”.Make a review of the use of articles. For example, “the” is not needed before“behavior” in the introduction. This is because “behavior” is a general idea.Mind the diction and word forms too. There are many verb tense errors that needrectification. Read the comments for more advice.

To show great depth in language usage, use morediversified sentences blended with good vocabulary. The logical and generalstructures are standard and commendable.