Issue-26. Although many people think that the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life are harmless, they prevent people from developing into strongand independent individuals."

满分范文赏析

Modern luxuries serve to undermine our true strength and independence as individuals. Consider the automobile, for example. Most people considerthe automobile a necessity rather than a luxury, yet it is for this very reason that the automobile so aptly supports the speaker's point. To the extent that we depend on cars, it’s a crutch. While the car certainly increases our efficiency, it’s the belief that we need, rather than benefit from having one that prevents us from becoming strong and independent.

【此段结构】  

总分结构。首句开门见山点明作者观点，同意题目所说。接下来以汽车为例，解释它在给人们带来便利的同时，人们对它的依赖（the belief that we  need）让人们难以成为更强大和独立的人。  

【此段功能】  

总启全文，提出了作者对题目的观点（同意），并且以汽车为例进行了简单说明。  

Consider first the effect of the automobile on our independence as individuals. In some regards the automobile serves to enhance independence. For example, cars make it possible for people in isolated and depressed areas without public transportation to become more independent by pursuing gainful employment outside their communities. And teenagers discover that owning a car affords them a sense of independence.However, cars have diminished our independence in a number of more significant respects. We've grown dependent on our cars for commuting to work.We rely on them like crutches for short trips to the corner store and for carting our children to and from school. Moreover, the car has become means of socioeconomic goals and notjust physical locations as it has become a symbol of status. In fact, in my observation, working professionals willingly undermine their financial security for the sake of being seen driving this year's new SUV or luxury sedan. Inshort, we've become slaves to the automobile.

【此段结构】  

总分结构。第一句点出了全段围绕的核心——汽车对个人独立性的影响。尽管从前文得知作者是同意题目观点的，但他/她先退让一步，承认In some regards, the automobile serves to enhance  independence,但however的出现引向了论述的重点，即汽车在很多更重要的方面削弱了人们的独立性。末尾更是说人已变成汽车的奴隶。  

【此段功能】  

论点一，以汽车为例，解释现代生活的luxuries and conveniences如何削弱了independence。  

Consider next the overall impact of the automobile on our strength as individuals, by which I mean strength of character.I would be hard pressed to list one way in which the automobile enhances one's strength of character. Driving a powerful SUV might afford a person a feeling and appearance of strength, or machismo. But this feeling has nothing to do with a person's true character. In contrast, there is certain strength of character that comes with eschewing modern conveniences such as cars. For example, choosing a smaller car allows us to contribute to a cleaner and quieter environment, a safer neighborhood, and arguably a more genteel society. Furthermore,alternative modes of transportation such as bicycling and walking are forms that could be used too, not only as forms of transportation but also exercise that requires and promotes the virtue of self-discipline.

【此段结构】  

总分结构。作者在本段第一句提出了讨论的中心，即汽车对strength的影响。作者特意点明是strength of character，精神力量上的强大。同样地，作者先举了开SUV的人觉得自己很强大的例子，以此退让着说汽车有时enhance strength，但后面，作者指出这has  nothing to do with a person's true character。有些避开现代便利的做法反而赋予人strength of character。他/她还举了开小型车更环保、更安全、更文雅、更健康等等例子来支持论点。  

【此段功能】  

论点二，继续以汽车为例，解释现代生活的luxuries and conveniences如何削弱了strength，作者特指strength of character。  

Finally, in my observation, people who have forsaken the automobile spend more time at home where they are inclined to prepare and even grow their own food, and to spend more time with their families. These practices actually enhance one's independent abilities and the latter enhances the integrity of one's values and the strength of one's family.

【此段结构】  

作者用两句话，简单地从题目的反面来进行补充说明。作者认为，实际上不依赖汽车的人有了更多时间在家自己做饭甚至种菜，也可以多陪家人。这个意义上，人的独立性加强了，个人价值完整了，和家人的感情也更深了。  

【此段功能】  

论点三，不依赖汽车可以让人增强independence和strength of character。  

To sum up, the automobile helps illustrate that when a luxury becomes a necessity it can sap our independence and strength as individuals. Perhaps our society is better off with luxuries but I think they must always be used with the right frame of mind in order to maximize all-around benefit.

【此段结构】  

第一句总结了作者的立场，他/她认为luxuries和conveniences会削弱人的independence和strength。后一句，作者提出了一点具体的补充，建议人们对luxuries和conveniences有正确心态，以便让现代生活的便利得到更大的最佳的利用。  

【此段功能】  

总结段，作者重申了自己的观点，概括了全文论述。  

满分要素剖析

一、语言表达
这篇文章条理清晰，语言流畅。作者用到了不少GRE级别的词汇来使表意更加准确和生动，一些词组、短语和固定搭配的使用显得比较地道。语法方面也做到了正确运用。

1.While the car certainly increases our efficiency, it’s the belief that we need, rather than benefit from having one that prevents usfrom becoming strong and independent. 这一长句的主句是一个强调句，虽然it’s…that中间的部分（加下划线部分）比较长，但它正是这句话需要强调的部分，实际是这句话的主语。

2.And teenagers discover that owning a car affords them a sense of independence. 这句话中的afford一词不是指买得起、担负的起，而是表示提供、给予，就是provide和supply，后面多接一些对接收者比较有利的事物。此句的sense of independence就是有车的teenagers想要的，因此afford一词很合适。GRE作文中这个词的使用频率比较高。

3.I would be hard pressed to list one way in which the automobile enhances one's strength of character. 本句中有一个词组用的比较地道，那就是be hard pressed to，意为很难（做某事）。Be(hard) pressed是一个固定搭配，在口语中表示处境窘迫，为难，可以指时间紧张，供应短缺，手头拮据或心力憔悴等等。

二、逻辑结构
本文的结构很清晰，作者先开门见山地提出了自己的观点，随后全文以汽车为代表，解释和论述作者的立场。文章是总分总的典型结构，首段和尾段一个总起，一个总结；中间的“分”的几段分别以正正反的方式论述了作者的三方面论点。先是从正面说了汽车如何削弱了independence，再是正面解释汽车怎样削弱strength of character，最后又从反面，即对观点提出否定的假设，来论述不过分依赖汽车（现代luxuries和conveniences的代表）的人反而增强了independence和strength。