Issue-90. In regards to technological development, the primary objective should be increasing efficiency to produce more free time for people.

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满分范文赏析

The argument asserts that the primary goal of technological advancement should be to improve people’s efficiency. I concede that technological advancement does increase efficiency. Further advancement should be meant to increase efficiency, but producing more leisure is only one of the reasons to do so.

【此段结构】  

首句复述题目，接下来第二句作者承认题目中所说的技术进步提升效率，然而第三句话锋一转，提出技术进步应该提升效率，但给人提供更多空闲时间只是其中一个原因。可见作者并不同意题中所说。  

【此段功能】  

分析题目，提出观点。  

I concede that technological innovation has increased people’s efficiency. Just consider the wide used computer technology. The design tools and software help to decrease working time and facilitate efficiency. People can access vast resources of information online instead of going to the library to browse through hundreds or thousands of books. In our daily life, modern transportation allows us to travel to places in amounts of time that were never before possible.

【此段结构】  

总分结构。第一句指出技术创新提高了效率。剩下的句子都在举例说明哪些技术使人们得到了怎样的方便。  

【此段功能】  

承认技术进步提升了效率。  

The effect of technology is amazing but I am still against the speaker’s claim in two regards. For one thing, I consider that the primary role carried out by technological advancement far outreach what the speaker defines as simple as increasing efficiency. The central mission of technology should be the tackling of the most urgent problem of modern society. World hunger, medical care, environmental conservation, and so on. The main objective in creating newer technology shouldn’t be to make things more efficient but to make systems more effective.

【此段结构】  

总分总结构。前两句总起，提出作者对题目的反驳理由之一，即技术进步的意义远不止提升效率这么简单。接着的两句表示技术革新的使命是解决现代社会的迫切问题，例如饥饿、医疗、环保等。尾句总结说技术进步的主要目的应该是优化体系。  

【此段功能】  

反驳一，技术进步的意义不仅是提升效率，而应是优化体系。  

Let’s consider, for the sake of the argument that the objective of creating more efficient technologies was in order to make more free time. Many times, technology makes us faster. For example, computers can help us generate more information. The more information we can produce, the faster we can work. The faster we can work, the faster we can get our work done. The faster our work gets done, the more free time we should have for leisure. Right? Sounds right. However, the reality of the situation is that the faster we work, the greater the expectations are placed on us. Therefore, as our efficiency increases, so too does our work load.

【此段结构】  

总分结构。首句提示读者本段是要围绕技术进步给人们更多空闲时间进行讨论。作者用一串连锁反应展示了认为技术进步带来更多闲暇时间这一说应有的逻辑，但最后两句反驳说技术进步使人们工作速度加快的同时，工作量也随之加大了，所以闲暇时间并未增多。  

【此段功能】  

反驳二，技术进步未必能给人更多空闲时间。  

The argument presented above is too simple to constitute further consideration. There are many reasons why we should consider further technological innovation, efficiency being one of them. And there are many purposes for being more efficient; having more time is only one of them.

【此段结构】  

第一句指出题目中的说法过于简单欠考虑。第二句指出效率只是技术革新的一个考量因素，第三句进一步指出提高效率的目的还有很多，不止增加闲暇时间一个。  

【此段功能】  

总结论述，重申观点。  

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满分要素剖析

一、语言表达
这篇作文的语言给读者一种“平易近人”的感觉，作者仿佛就在你身边向你述说道理。这得益于作者的遣词造句，高深复杂的词句不多，但选用的词语和表达都能准确而地道地表达作者的意思。

1、Further advancement should be meant to increase efficiency, but producing more leisure is only one of the reasons to do so. 这句话中值得注意的是be meant to的短语，它的意思是“照道理应该，旨在”。后面的to do so的so代替前面的increase efficient。

2、In our daily life, modern transportation allows us to travel to places in amounts of time that were never before possible. 作者在这句话里用到了一个比较地道的搭配，即never before。其实本句换成never possible before也完全没有问题，而且很多母语为汉语的学生会自然而然地想到这个语序，但never before可以看成一个固定搭配，表示“不曾发生，不曾有过”，常见于很多英文媒体，推荐使用。

3、For one thing, I consider that the primary role carried out by technological advancement far outreach what the speaker defines as simple as increasing efficiency. 本句中用得很好的一个词是outreach，这个词既有名词词性又有动词词性，此处是及物动词，表示超过、超越……的范围。后面的as simple as用作比较也非常地道。

4、There are many reasons why we should consider further technological innovation, efficiency being one of them. 这句话用到了现在分词做伴随状语，如果变成并列句的话，是将逗号后面的部分变成and efficiency is one of them。

二、逻辑结构
本文作者对题目是持反对意见的，因此文章应该反驳题目提到的内容。作者用常见的总分总结构，首尾两段分别提出和总结观点，中间三段采取了先退后进的论述方式。先退是指第二段的论述，承认技术革新和进步提升了效率；后进是指三四两段先后提出了两条反驳理由，一个指出技术进步不只为了提高效率，另一个指出效率提高没有带来更多闲暇时间。这样就完整全面地反驳了题目所说观点。